I have to apologize for my delay in blogging. I haven’t had much access to the internet and really I did not have anything that I wanted to talk about. Yesterday I realized that I have been letting one of my defense mechanisms control me. This transition into Asia has been long and tiring and I have been operating in my shut down mode. When I get overwhelmed in transition mode, shutting down it is easier to deal with change. I just go along with the motions and hope for the best. Didn’t work out so well honestly.

I am sitting here in our hotel, which also operates as a brothel on the 1^st floor (more about that in a bit). I had to stay in today because yesterday I had a high fever and I need to rest today to get it all out of my system. So with all this unexpected time, I think it’s time to reflect on what’s going on in my heart. So here goes…

Leaving Nicaragua was the hardest thing I have had to do yet on this trip. I fell madly in love with those kids and the last thing I wanted to do was leave them and not know if I would ever see them again. The tears ran pretty non-stop that 1^st day we left. I think from there I decided (without truly realizing it) that it was easier to just shut my emotions down for a while and operate on cruise control. By doing that it has been harder trying to start fresh here in Asia. But that’s what this year is about…loving and letting it change us but also leaving to love the next. My team joked at the end of our time at Cicrin that Seth (founder of the World Race) was playing a cruel joke on us. He wants us to choose in, give our whole hearts, and fall in love with the people and then leave. WHAT?!?! Seems ridiculous. But this is not your average trip. How truly privileged am I that I get to go all over the freakin’ world to love and serve people? But the best part is the hardest part. I am falling in love. I am falling in love with the children of Mexico and Nicaragua and the university students in Vietnam. I do not know if I will ever see them again…but it is worth it. Because they have changed me, they have opened my eyes.

At debrief, our team realized were not being unified. Since then we have been learning more about truly coming together and being a family. In those moments I have truly come to life. I am learning to let go of what I should look like or how I should act. I am grateful for this new confidence. We wanted this experience to change us. We wanted to get our safe American armor dirty and here we are in a hotel/brothel diving in. Please note that we were not aware of this before we came here, but confidently know that this is where we need to be. We are in no immediate danger.

I can already tell that more will be asked of us this month. We are up for an even bigger challenge. Before we even got here we knew that we were going to be part of some pretty big things, things that we are unfamiliar with and maybe even outside our comfort zones. Right now my squad is serving AIDS patients, college students, and helping out at a couple of other places. We will definitely grow and be stretched. It will undoubtedly be hard, but well worth it.